Maternal Authority

Notes from: The Mother at Home  By John Abbott

After reading a book about the need for mother's to maintain the authority over their children at home, I jotted down a few points that seemed vital to me in training our little one. I thought those thoughts would be helpful to others as well.


Maternal Authority
I. Require Immediate Obedience

a. Never give a command which you do not intend to be fully obeyed.

b. When you give a command enforce its obedience

2. Be aware and alert to your children's attitudes

a. Observe your child's temper and do not allow or create a situation where a battle will in sue (i.e. if a child is in bad hummer and misbehaves because he is tired-send him to bed and address the disobedience first thing in the morning)

b. Choose a punishment that is equal to the crime (i.e. do not punish for an accident, but for the disobedience that caused the accident)

3. Never punish a child when he has not intentionally done wrong

a. If a child has not previously been told that a certain behavior is wrong, and he does that behavior-he deserves no punishment for the first offense

b. Punishment is NEVER appropriate when it is given out of frustration or anger 

c. Accidents do not require a punishment. If a child has an accident as a result of disobedience-then the child is punished for the disobedience, bot for the result of that disobedience.

4. Never think your child is too young to obey

5. Guard against severity

a. Don't be severe in punishment-the hardest part of punishment a child should bear is knowing how much he has disposed you and God

6. Practice personal self-control

a. A child must be taught at a very early age to have self-control and not indulge in everything his heart desires (sweets, entertainment, bedtimes and rising times, etc) A parent cannot expect of their children what they do not practice themselves

7. Resolve to follow through with punishment

a. Repeated punishment can be tiresome, but a parent must be constantly strong in order to maintain authority over the child

b. Even if a child is sick or weak, he or she should still be expected to obey

8. Be in harmony with your spouse in the education and discipline of your children 

a. In many homes this is difficult or impossible, because one spouse may be more strict or more lenient than the other, it is important to maintain a respect for the other for the children's sake. Children should be taught to obey their father even if he seems unreasonable (visa-verse)

9. Do not talk about your children, good or bad, in their presence

a. Children understand much more than they are given credit. They can comprehend and will act accordingly-either by entertaining a spirit of pride for good behavior, or indulging further in naughty behavior because that is what is expected of them.

10. Do not exhibit your children's attainments

a. Parents should not use a their or their children's pride as a motivator for good behavior.

11. Do not deceive your children

a. For example, do not tell them something tastes good in order to get them to eat it, tell them the truth, but ask them to be brave and endure.

12. Do no use fear as a form of punishment or motivation to obey

13. Do not constantly find faults in your children

a. Always seek the good and obedience in your children and praise them for it

b. Approach your child's faults cloaked in gentleness

"The most effective family government may be almost entirely administered by affection, if it be distinctly understood that disobedience cannot pass unpunished"


Suggested Method of Correction

• At very early ages, children must be taught that disobedience causes pain
• Once a child is able to reason, he can be instructed along with punishment

1. What did you do?
2. What should you have done?
3. What will you do next time?

Ask forgiveness of the person offended
Ask God to forgive

*Child must understand that he is loved and punishment is given out of love and care for him